How to Develop Healthy International Relationships

The time was about 11:30 on a Saturday morning. It was still a couple minutes to go before the time we were supposed to meet for the first time. I moved a window blind with my fingers to look at the street in front of my house. Cars stood in lines on both sides of the road. Only a group of pigeons were pecking and flapping their wings in the front yard. A noisy engine scared those pigeons a little bit. A red Dodge truck was approaching my house. “It should not be her,” I thought, “A lady would not drive a truck like that.” That truck passed by my house without hesitation. Several minutes later, a pearl white Honda Accord stopped at the front gate, and a woman with sunglasses stepped out of the car. She read a piece of paper in her hand, which must have been the address I gave her on the phone. Then she put her sunglasses on her forehead and smiled after looking at the house number on the wall. She took a baby out of the backseat, and walked towards the front door.

I could hear the footsteps so clearly, even the sound of crushing sand and rocks. The pit-pat of my heart sped up as the footsteps got closer and closer. “Tap-tap,” sounded a knock on the door. My hands became sticky, they were sweating so badly. “Tap-tap.” My legs quivered, I could not go to the door immediately. I yelled silently from the bottom of my heart, “I am not ready to meet my first American friend!”

“Tap-tap.” The door opened, a fragrance ran into my nose, the young woman carried her baby in her arms with a big smile on her face. That was her, Shelly Smith, who is my host family from the International Friends in Tucson, Arizona. She was blonde, and in good shape even though she had given birth not long before. She was giving the message of friendliness. I choked, and I did not even know how to start our conversation. My mind went blank all of a sudden. “You must be Bruce, right? Hi, I am Shelly. We talked on the phone before….” Her greeting interrupted my gazing at her.

Amiability was expressed from Shelly’s blue eyes. Especially, her smooth face and neat teeth made up her wonderful smile that left me a great impression when we were talking to each other. I felt that her smile gave me the message that she is an approachable person. Our relationship turned out to be closer than I thought because of her positive attitude towards a foreigner who she never met before. We were both interested in each other’s personalities, living styles and what each other’s countries look like. Meanwhile, she was my first American friend and gave me the feeling that we were from the same family despite our mother languages and backgrounds.

To be honest, I was not feeling comfortable talking with her at that time due to my second language issue. I could not completely express what I was thinking or what I wanted to say. I had no idea if she treats foreigners friendly or not, especially Chinese people. Also, I doubted if I should join the International Friends program before we met because I was not sure how my host family would look or if they were kind enough to help me understand the country and the local culture. But comparatively speaking, she was dealing with communication much better than I. I decided to join the program, and I made up my mind that she was the right person for my host family after we met. We have been good friends from that day on.

When people are enjoying trips to foreign countries, they might not even think about a critical requirement for them to be able to visit other countries: having good international relations between your country and other countries in the world. International relations are very important. For governments to take advantage of business opportunities, they need to know about foreign countries. For individuals to live a more plentiful life, they need to know more about the cultures and lives of other parts of the world. Additionally, healthy international relations give our nations better positions in the global community, and give us a better life in our own country. As an international student, I understand that both common people and governments can contribute to and benefit from a good connection between two countries. International relations are very important to our countries and our daily lives, and there is an effective way to build international understanding, peace, and cooperation through programs that involving ordinary people.

International relations are deeply relevant in our daily life. “People should know the truth about other countries”, my friend Shelly said this when she experienced teaching an English class at The University of Arizona (Personal Interview 10/15th/2009). As usual, in-class discussion was routine in her class. A pair of students, one from Yugoslavia and one from America, came into her attention. The Yugoslavian was loud, and his English, with a strong Yugoslavian accent, filled the classroom. He kept talking with his partner despite his accent. The American student played pen spinning for a while, and then looked somewhere else for a moment. His expression was telling everyone that he was not going to respond to his partner in the discussion.

“Why do people in your country hate Americans so much?” Popped out from his mouth and interrupted his partner. His words were not very loud, but it could still be heard. The question lunged into the Yugoslavian student’s heart like an edged sword. He had nothing to say in reply, but scowled and held his chin quietly beside his hostile American partner. If only the student knew more about Yugoslavia and Yugoslavians, he would not have asked this embarrassing question. When making friends with people from other countries, we can know more about their culture, their country, and not be impolitely to them because we all want to give a good impression.

As a foreigner, I realize that knowing people in America are important, especially, making friends with American people, as many as I can. The more local friends I make, the better I will understand the country. It is a critical step to determine if I can blend into American culture successfully. Most Americans consider Asians, Chinese especially are shy because our educational system taught us not to talk too much. People might feel that we cannot get along with one another easily. On the other hand, Americans would not actively make friends with us if we kept ourselves invisible in American society.

I am not representing myself or my family living here, but representing my country, China, living in America. Wherever I go I am so proud to let others know where I come from, and where my hometown is. Particularly, the first year when I came to the States in 2008, “China” was one of the few words came out from my mouth loudly because Beijing was the host of the summer Olympic Games. Personal relationships between Chinese and Americans are not only giving the idea of how close these two peoples can be, but also how close these two countries can be. I am not content with Americans only knowing how big my motherland is, how large the population is in my country, or that China has a better position in the global community than it used to be and so on. I am a window to my country. I want my friends and the people around me to see my country and Chinese through me. Simultaneously, I also want to know the U.S. through communication with local residents around me.

My roommate introduced International Friends to me by accident, but I did not pay attention at the very beginning. I thought I did not need any extra help to know the country. I thought making a lot of friends would be easy on campus. I thought I had plenty of opportunity to speak English with others. I chose my courses in my first year, which had few Chinese involved for the purpose of seeking opportunities to work and study with local students. But I went through a hard time, especially working and studying with American students. Cooperation is one of the biggest features of the American educational system. In-class projects not only helped me grow a lot, but also made me aware of how weak I was when I cooperated with others.

I was always excited before a project began when I was in my first year business math classes. Teammates were new, goals were new and I was confidently ready to make contributions to my team. As time went on, I realized that I had turned out to be less productive due to my second language issue, which gave me a hard time working with them. Meeting was the frequent activity that we had during a project. I participated as many times as I could, but I was listening to them more than I was talking. Meeting at nights were nightmares to me. My footsteps became heavier and heavier when I walked closer and closer towards the meeting room every single time. Through the glass door I saw my teammates were talking actively with one another. I asked myself, “Do I belong here?” I felt out of place in the atmosphere of the meeting room. Nevertheless, duty drove me to open the door bravely. Hearing my teammates’ talk, I could not follow them. Their words were shot at high speed as if from an automatic rifle. I felt frustrated that my voice quivered involuntarily so badly when I was talking. I crouched in the chair, listened to them rather than talked. I realized that I could not adapt my life in the community easily, and I needed someone who knew more about the country to teach me the things I did not know. I joined the International Friends without hesitation.

I met most of my American friends in Tucson through International Friends. I would like to say the International friendship programs at colleges and universities are also effective ways of building peaceful international relations. Shelly Smith’s family has been my host family since my second semester of freshman year in America. I feel I am so lucky because Shelly is an amazing American person who is always willing to understand my culture, and wants to share her knowledge about America. All the activities I have gone through with her and her family have helped me know more about America and the kindness of American people, which makes me feel like China and America are not so far away from each other. Since 2004, there have been more than thirteen thousand students from all around the world who come to American colleges to study as international students each year (IIE Network). When a local host helps an international student, both of them will understand the cultures and life in each other’s country in a direct way and also form a great friendship. If people in a country know more about other countries, they will show more concern and be friendlier to people from other countries, and this is a big help to the foreign affairs of their government and the cause of world peace and understanding.

There was a time when Shelly and I met at a reception, which was held by International Friends in the art gallery at The University of Arizona. This kind of activity is not only significant to us, international students who are studying in the U.S., but it is also a great chance to promote communication between local host families and international students. Appetizers were well prepared and served on round wooden tables. People exchanged greetings, smiled and talked to one another. It looked like we were at a big family party, as if we knew each other because we were speaking the same language wherever we came from. We joyfully discussed common concerns, and enjoyed works of art as well as tried to understand the local culture through these artist’s eyes. I suddenly felt that all the cultures were merged in the same place, casual and harmonious atmosphere surrounded us at that moment.
Many host families were wearing smiles and talking to me actively. They were not only interested in me, but also my country, even its language.

“Where are you from?”

“China,” I said.

“Which part of China?”

“I am from Canton province.”

“Oh! I have been there before, so you are not just speaking Mandarin, but also Cantonese, right?”

“Sure,” I replied, “Cantonese has 9 syllables, and it is so difficult to pronounce in the right way.”

I became talkative, and we discussed the differences between Chinese and English. I taught them how to pronounce some words in Cantonese. Teaching others language is fun, and we laughed often because of some funny tones. My host family was not only Shelly at that moment. All of them were my window to the United States. To my surprise, many of them knew more about my country than I expected. They understand China in various degrees through their international students. I am trying to learn America in the same way.

The future of the world order may change, but the needs for worldwide peace and understanding among countries will never change. Both governments and citizens are responsible for the relationships between nations in our diverse world. Knowing each other is so important to good relationships that we need support rather than argument; we want understanding instead of intolerance; and we should show concern more than hate one another. The relationships of countries affect individuals, especially affect the ways they are able to live with one another. For students, they affect their ability to have a good experience in a foreign country. In addition, people should also think not just about their own little life circle, but consider their ability to change the relationships between their own country and other countries through the “bottom-up” programs like International Friends, which are always easy and effective ways to assist their governments’ efforts to build peaceful international relations.